So here I am on January 1, 2012. My mood is lifting and I seem to have new choices that I never thought of before. I'm looking at things with clarity and trying not to beat myself up for mistakes. Stepping on the scale this morning I weighed in at 259.6 pounds. I'm almost back up to my all-time highest weight of 272 pounds and I know that 300 pounds is right around the corner.
A coupon mailer I received earlier this week helped me decide to go back to Weight Watchers and get back on track. In my accounting mind, I figure that even if I lose on the low end of 10 pounds a month, I'll have lost 120 pounds by December 31, 2012 and only be 25 pounds away from my all-time goal of 115. I know it will be hard and some days I will just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other to keep going to my goal. Or as Dori says in "Finding Nemo," "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
So, on day 1 of 2012, one thing I hate about morbid obesity is rightfully earning the moniker of "morbidly obese." That description has limited me in so many ways and I am the only one responsible for limiting myself in this way. I feel as if I am guilty of committing suicide only it is taking many years to die, but I am killing myself by my own hand-by reaching for more food to stuff in my face every day. I have used food as my only coping mechanism for years and it has taken it's toll. Now, I am ready to change that. A friend once reminded me that faced with stressful situations, I must remember to "stop, breathe, listen, and then respond/react." That has helped immeasurably.
So today as I make sure to eat my fruits and veggies and head to the gym, I focus on the fact that I am one day closer to my goal - being healthy and happy with myself.
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